“It was one of those moments where you say, ‘This is a perfect bite.’” That’s an actual quote from someone eating this pizza--one of my harshest critics, in fact. If you’re already making homemade pizza at any level, the pizza she’s talking about is easy to assemble, nobody sees it coming, and people love it. Welcome to the unexpected--The Land of Shrimp & Garlic Pizza. We’re going to talk about: 1) how to make it, 2) what goes on it, and 3) how to handle it so it amazes your friends and family and makes you a homemade pizza superhero.
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You have a defining pizza memory, don’t you? We all do. You remember the place, the taste, the smell, and the people involved. But does it include your grandmother? It does at Pizza Expo. Pizza Expo in Las Vegas is like any trade show, but with better snacks. It’s the kind of place where business happens, but it happens just a little differently than at the car-wash trade show next door. In a way, the pizza business is the family you choose. And the people you meet on the trade-show floor are also a little different. For one, it’s all about pizza. And if you don’t already know, pizza is all about people. Ever experienced Pizza Oven Envy? If so, how much can it cost you, both in dollars and regret?5/3/2024 So, dear reader, what form has your pizza-oven lust taken? And if you're a female of the species, I'm aware: this is a problem about hardware desire, which is virtually unique to the male of the species. If you feel left out, I'm sorry. If you feel superior, well, you probably are. So, anyway, do you lust for an outdoor pizza oven like an Ooni or a Roccbox? Do you harbor a higher level of lust, maybe for a Gozney Dome or a Forno Bravo? Or are you looking straight to the top, aiming for a supermodel oven like a half-ton Earthstone, which can go into your home kitchen, sitting there ready to make your most lustful pizza-oven fantasies come true anytime in any weather to the astonishment and envy of your assembled friends on any given night? Will your pizza go round in circles, and will your guests fly high like a bird up in the sky--all because your homemade pizza is finally round? Apologies to Billy Preston. But maybe that song is a good alternative to having this conversation. Here, see if this is better for you than making round pizza: https://youtu.be/U5-bJkoLWMY?si=2npbZpF_VbER_Ey6. Have you ever had one of those visceral experiences with food? You know, the kind where some part of you that you don’t often experience wakes up, and you’re consumed by beastial lust? Yes, it’s almost embarrassing. Even if it is a kind of compliment to the chef. Animal lust unhinged by food well cooked is something that was well contained when we were children in my native New England. But it was always there, percolating just below the surface. Things like fresh lobster or meats well grilled seemed to bring a glint in peoples’ eyes. Scott always seems to be halfway to an enthusiastic grin. He's also pretty clear about his enthusiasm for this new gig. “When they asked me if I want to teach a class with Peter, there's a no-brainer. That's like a dream situation.” Peter, who also exhibits an enviable level of preternatural happiness, says, “I think there are people that just have a passion for it, and they have the means and the time to be able to do this, and there are folks who just want to gobble up knowledge and experience.” NEWSFLASH: Two of the nicest guys in the entire pizza ecosystem are getting together and teaching a 3-day course in pizza dough at the world-famous Pizza University, based in that garden spot of pizza, Beltsville, Maryland. And now you’re asking yourself the right question: In what bizarre world of homemade pizza would you be thinking, “Hey, I should travel to that greater Baltimore school for pizzeria operators and take that 3-day course about mixing together water, flour, salt and yeast?” “The potatoes are so, so creamy!” Not the first thing you expect to hear about a pizza? Stick with me, and you’ll hear all kinds of things about pizza you didn’t expect. And the first thing is: you can feel good about putting clam chowder on a homemade pizza. Really. Are you one of those people who’s glancing at me sideways now? I recommend letting the scales fall from your eyes along with the clam shells and any other rigid protective coverings worn by sea creatures in an effort to stave off predation by a threatening beast like, oh, me. As you know, a lot of people out there enjoy living by a credo of “That’s not pizza.” And a simple fact is that yes, clams on pizza is genuinely a thing, both here and abroad. (If you already know this, just bear with me. You might find out about a different pizza you’ll also want to try, though leftover soup will not be involved.) The word “meatloaf” often seems like the punchline to a joke. The word “pizza,” not so much. But if you mash them together into “meatloaf pizza,” it’s more confusing than anything. And yes, it actually happened. I did it and accept full responsibility. But there was an actual chef involved, and he didn’t seem to be bothered by it at all. (Though he won’t return my calls.) Several friends have recently sent me the new Yelp list of “Top 100 Pizza Spots according to Yelp Elites 2024.” (This is NOT a complaint. Keep sending me lists and articles. I love them.) After a cursory perusal of that list, I once again find myself thinking that a list like this is almost meaningless for most people. “Hey! Here are 100 joints across the 3.5-million square miles of the United States, most of which you’ll never get to try! Massive FOMO for you, my friend!” There’s no regional context to this list. It's nationwide. There’s no context relating to style of pizza. And there’s no clear authority related to the people who are making the judgments. Thank you all for rising to the challenge of “Pizza Toppings You’ll Hate Until You Try Them.” A couple of your suggestions made me laugh. Nobody elicited a gag reflex—which is both reassuring and appreciated. And the bad-idea pizza toppings were thoughtful and delightful. For my favorite reply, we have a tie. And contrary to my “fried grasshoppers on pizza” suggestion, neither of these pizzas involve insects. Fave #1 is from Paul, a technically-minded gent in Southern California. He lives within easy reach of a legendary pizzeria and brewpub in Solana Beach called Pizza Port. (The place is special. It has a natural-wood/chalkboard-menu/SoCal-hippie-surfer vibe that makes you say, “I don’t care what that pizza tastes like as long as I can eat it in here.”) The pizza topping that Mr. Paul believes doesn’t belong on pizza is… |
AuthorBlaine Parker is the award-winning author of the bestselling, unusual and amusing how-to pizza book, Free The Pizza. Also known as The Pizza Geek and "Hey, Pizza Man!", Blaine is fanatical about the idea that true, pro-quality pizza can be made at home. His home. Your home. Anyone's home. After 20 years of honing his craft and making pizza in standard consumer ovens across the nation, he's sharing what he's learned with home cooks like you. Are you ready to pizza? Archives
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